Caffeine
by Iam.Titania-falls
Summary: "She brought sunflowers again the next day" In which Haise is debating in his choice. #Orange. Collections of Touka/Haise(Kaneki) oneshots.
1. Chapter 1

**Caffeine **

**.**

**.**

"You shithead, come here."

"I thought I was pudding-head," He chuckled—oh how she missed that sound, as cliché as it may sounds. But darn, did she hate how it sounded very similar to him.

* * *

><p>Another dream; another scream. Once again, Touka took the time to calm herself down from those haunting images that was still lingering in her mind—<em>(touka-chan touka-chantouka-chan)<em> breath, breath, breath; _remember to breath, Touka._ She continued that mantra over and over again.

Touka blew her bangs from her eyes, looking at the clock. It was already tomorrow, she bit her pink lips, suddenly feeling her stomach churn; the same thing that happens every year, at this very day.

It has been more than two years already, or was it five? She lost count. Days weren't that much of an importance anymore since there was no gifts to wait—

No.

Forget about it, it was just unimportant to her to count days. Just, just…

Yep. It wasn't important. _(or at least she thinks so)_

* * *

><p>The thing she most remembered about this day in every year was—a gigantic birthday cake made by her best friend, Yoriko. It never failed to make her happy but disgusted as well by the scent, the size, and urgh, especially the<em> taste<em>. If she wasn't a ghoul, then she would just happily gulp all of them down-even forgetting about what woman cares the most, diet.

"Thanks, Yoriko." She tried her best to hide her disgust from it with a smile—it's a waste to throw the cake out, and Yomo was on the 6th ward for a while; she had to eat it and… she wondered if she could do that.

_("aren't you going to throw it out? … What a nice friend you are, Touka-chan." He smiled kindly)_

Yoriko didn't mind the uneasiness feeling residing her every year, she always felt that Touka didn't want the cake but—she never protested and talk to her about it, anyway. Once, she had forced Touka and it led to a fight which they swore not to do again.

Touka even made her a meal afterwards, though it wasn't that delicious—but, it was capable of bringing tears to her eyes. She shrugged the thought and looked at her friend expectantly, a smile on her face.

"Well then, Touka; when will you be ready for work? It's our first day—we better not be late."

Oh.

O h. Right, it was their first day at that café; ever since that incident, Yoriko kept bugging her nonstop about Anteiku, worried about her wellbeing and almost suspected that she was a ghoul but nonetheless, Touka managed to evade the fact by saying another… another lie_("Yoriko, do you really think that I am one of… those?" she hoped her voice didn't crack, "If I was, you're surely be eaten right now. Please, I'm not…" Yoriko told her to stop, covering Touka's mouth with her trembling fingers and just smiled.)_

_"_Oh yeah, I'll be ready in a sec."

When she turned her back to the blonde, she grimaced at how she must come back to those days, faking a smile to the customers and being very, very patient when she is not.

Good grief.

* * *

><p>"Touka-chan, you look so cute wearing that!"<p>

Rather than being flattered, she scowled at the dress she wore—this fucking dress, can't they have normal vest like Anteiku does instead of a frilly apron? No. She was not going to wear this. "Is there anything else? Except for this apron?"

Yoriko frowned, "There is but… you look cute wearing that,"a bit of hesitation, before she blurted out again; "Men would check you out for sure… maybe, you could finally forget about him?" She was scared if her words will affect Touka again, but she had to say that—her friend never talked about him, but she knew, she knew.

_(he would love to see you wear that dress.)_

"I'm changing." Was what Touka said before taking off her apron and looking for a beige vest, not looking at Yoriko. She suddenly felt dizzy again, as hazy images of him started to appear again.

In the end, the manager let her wear another uniform but it still wasn't the same; but at least it was decent enough, a navy blue shirt with a beige tie, short trimmed black skirt and underneath it were dark leggings with white leather boots.

Quite the opposite of her, Yoriko wore almost the same clothing but with more colors and unlike Touka, her hair was in a low ponytail, giving her a fresh look. "Do I look okay?" She asked, twirling her locks.

Touka smiled kindly, patting the other's shoulder. "You do, don't worry."

* * *

><p>It was running pretty smoothly; given by her experience at Anteiku before, she had no problems dealing with the customers and adapting to the café. She had to help her friends a few times though, since it was her first experience being a waitress.<p>

Touka sighed, before greeting a customer that had just entered; "Welcome—" Her breath hitched.

_(she believes he will come back, he, Kaneki Ken.)_

He wasn't just as like she remembered, his height, eyes, cheeks, hair—everything changed, but nevertheless—it was him. Who wouldn't forget that gentle smile (he gave to her), that aura he had… There was no way it wasn't him, it was him, _himhimhimhimhimkanekiken._

She probably looked like a fool, standing there with her mouth agape and eyes brimming to tears. "Kane—"

"Sasaki-san, it's you again!" A voice stated from behind her; her manager. He walked past her and greeted… Kaneki as…Sa-sa-ki-? Touka closed her mouth and stared. "Won't Akira-san be mad at you for ditching work?"

The Kaneki look-a-like frowned, but smiled afterwards, elbowing her manager playfully (_no, this wasn't him_) "I'm not ditching work, aren't you glad to have a regular here? Now my regular coffee, please." (_where is he, where is he?_)

After that, the white haired man—oh, there was some black on his roots—walked to the desk as if he was always seated over there. Suddenly feeling a gaze over him, he looked at her as their eyes met.

Touka snapped out from her trance and looked away immediately, giving the most usual stance, as if to pretend that she never looked at him, and they never did. Great, it was her birthday and God had to give her this kind of present?

She breathed out, looking up, massaging her head; _of course it wasn't him. Why would you think it was him? Stupid, stupidTouka_.

* * *

><p>It was already a week after she started working at the café, so far no problems going on except for the fact that the Kaneki-look-a-like came to the café almost every day—drinking his black coffee and staring at the piling documents before him. It looks like he was in a company or something; he didn't bring any briefcase so he wasn't a CCG, she thinks so.<p>

But of course, things were always not as expectation; a customer screamed, pointing at her face as unwanted attention started to start. "You! That waitress from Anteiku-!" was he said, throwing his fist to the table. "Damned ghoul! Why are you still alive?!"

With that sort of topic, everyone basically gasped in disbelief, the new, beautiful waitress was a ghoul? Unbelievable! Whispers started, stares started, critic started; Touka bit her lips, so this customer was a regular at Anteiku? Ha, she barely remembered him.

"Dear customer, please don't make a ruckus—" Touka started, a smile on her face before flinching when her wrist was gripped in a tight one. "Please let go,"

Oh. It was an old man—**disgusting**, how Touka wanted to blurt that out and just kill him instantly; she never liked dealing with these kinds of people. "Ruckus? I say that you're the one who's making it! Get out of this place, piece of shit! You're disturbing the peace in Japan—you and your kinds, just go eliminated by the CCG already!"

The others stared,

her manager stared,

Yoriko stared, sending worried glances to her. She sighed, was this ruckus going to get her fired? Man, what a waste.

The man threw a fist at her—her kagune jolted, almost coming out—as a white blur covered her vision. "It's not really polite to suddenly hit a lady like that…"_his _voice—_no, it was that look __a like, not him, remember, Touka__—_said, "Ouch, you sure punch hard."

"But, back to the point, what were you doing? Trying to hit that hard to a girl."

A protest came from the man, "She was a ghoul, and she was no girl—she's a heartless, wrecked, filthy monster-"

Touka exhaled, hands gripping her skirt, "Please, let me finish." Her eyes gazed at the plate, milk, sandwich, milk, sandwich, milk—"Excuse me." And she ate the sandwich. Thank god, the man ordered a sandwich and it wasn't eaten yet. She pretended to chew it and gulped it down, sighing. "I am no ghoul, I'm a human being. Mister, maybe you're just seeing things."

"But—"

And suddenly, her manager came. "Please get outside, my customers are getting bothered."

* * *

><p>She poured the coffee perfectly, in a perfect heat and amount. The scent of the black coffee was alluring—this was the most expensive bitter coffee in the café. Her manager had said that her…'savior' (she could have handled that situation) likes bitter coffee, and time to time would order this, his favorite brand.<p>

Her head looked up, looking at the sitting figure, glancing left and right at his documents, looking much stressed out. She breathed in, and walked to him. He noticed a new cup of coffee before him, and looked at her, wide eyes.

"Um," Touka coughed, shyly twirling her fingers—man, this act was troublesome. "Thank you, er, for earlier. Was a greathelp—manager told me—you like this coffee." But no, this was no act—half of her was very nervous; after looking at a closer distance, this man really looks like Kaneki, maybe a few years older. Damn, she knew that he wasn't him, but, but, but.

He smiled, then bam! She thought her body would succumb to her mind that instant; to hug him, to cry for him, to punch him, a complete stranger. "Nah, it's alright." He waved his hand. "Though it's not _allrigh_t since I still have my left, eh…?" he hid a chuckle.

Awkward stare at each other, before Touka broke it with a cough. "Anyway, here, a salve to put on your left hand, because you're not… alright?" She awkwardly finished, tilting her head.

The stranger scratched his chin—o h, his habit was the same as well; Touka figured. "Um, thanks." He gladly accepted it, opening and putting it on his purple arm. "Erh, I haven't gotten your name yet,"

Touka blinked, "Kirishima Touka, mister."

"Sasaki Haise."

* * *

><p>"Kirishima-san,"<p>

Touka grunted in response, turning her head to meet eye-to-eye with her new found… stalker, was that a good way to put it? Maybe, yes. Considering that the man came to the café a lot more often and would ask her as his waitress for the day—it's for work, she said yes begrudgingly. His excuses were always; 'Because I love the coffee in this café, and the atmosphere.' And the cheesiest of them all… 'Because you're here, Kirishima-san."

But the last only happened a few times, and started two weeks ago; one month after they knew each other names and started talking with each other; first, it was just a simple 'welcome, hello, thank you for coming.' But it was soon followed by 'is your work doing well? The coffee is good, would you like more coffee?' almost all of it were work related, until Sasaki braved himself to ask about Touka's life and his own—Toukaanswered them all, albeit a bit reluctant at first.

"What?" She asked, sighing while putting off her usual façade at work, which means that—she was already used by Sasaki himself. "The usual?"

He grinned—gods, what beautiful smile he has—wait, what?"Of course, I'll be waiting." And soon after that, he led himself to his usual table, the one near the window. She sighed in exasperation, another day dealing with him, it was really bad for her heart, and she never stopped thinking about Kaneki when she was near him. She wanted to just ignore him and decline all of his invitation and keep her personal life alone but—why can't she say 'no'?

She shook her head and prepared the coffee. While she was doing that, Yoriko approached her with a smile and poked her cheek. "Sasaki-san is here again, right?" She teased, as Touka grunted, nodding. "Touka-chan, he totally likes you."

"Nice joke; but I'm not getting tricked." She mumbled, "that damned pudding-head already gave me enough of his crappy jokes 'til I snapped."

Yoriko pursed her lips together—a pout? She held both ofTouka's shoulders, making the other looking at her with wide eyes. "Listen, it's rare for me to say something like that, so when I do, it's not a joke." Touka rolled her eyes, "It's finally time; you need some romance in your life, Touka-chan! I mean, Sasaki-san is quite handsome, and his personality is ideal too."

"Then, why don't_ you_ hit on him?"

"Nah, no chance." She puffed her cheeks, "He's smitten with you."

Touka grimaced at the thought, and then shrugged, releasing Yoriko's hold of her. She continued brewing the coffee, "Yoriko, you know that I can't." She smiled bitterly, the image of Kaneki coming again—when would there be a day where she could not think of him? "I still… can't forget, about, you know."

Her friend just shrugged in response, at that time, the coffee was ready. "I know, but hoping isn't a bad thing. But if you're really annoyed by him, I guess you could just ignore him-"(she wish she could) Taking a breath, Yoriko pushed Touka lightly, carefully not letting the coffee slip. "Now go serve your prince!"

Pfft, prince? She mentally thought, looking at Sasaki. More like a puddinghead

(a very cute one)

"Here is your order, Sasaki-san." Touka started, putting the cup in front of the man. "Another day full of work or nothing?" She made a face, which made the other grin.

Sasaki put his chin on his palm, leaning to the table. "Of course work, but who do you think I came here for?"

"My manager? Just go do gay-things outside the café and I'm alright with it."

He almost spit all of his coffee—_good, it was a pain to clean it over._ Sasaki wiped his mouth with a tissue, holding down another laugh. "Kirishima-san, as much as it flatters me; I'm not gay, thank you very much."

She shrugged her shoulder, "People will know the truth soon, and it doesn't make any difference anyway." The other replied with rolling his eyes and taking another sip, she bowed and left for another customer's order but stopped when she heard him calling her name. "What is it, Sasaki-san?"

In response, he looked at the other way and scratched his chin with his finger—nervous. A slight tinge of pink appeared on his cheeks, as he opened his mouth; "Kirishima-san, can I have your number?"

_("maybe, you could finally forget about him?- I know, but hoping isn't a bad thing. But if you're really annoyed by him, I guess you could just ignore him-")_

Ignore him

Say no, no, no.

_Just say that fucking word; no. It's not that hard, ain't it? You just need to distance yourself—you don't need that man, he would just bring you memories about him—_

no

no

no

her lips opened,

_no_.

but of course, like in any other stories of romance; she said yes, okay.

A text followed late at night, it was from him, and she didn't delete it. She pushed the 'save' button instead.

* * *

><p>"You shithead, come here."<p>

"I thought I was pudding-head," He chuckled—earning a snort from her, well, at least he didn't get punched by her. He didn't know how powerful the girl was, but he did not want to test it. Nevertheless, he came closer to her, step by step, intertwining their fingers together. "Do you mind?"

There was no jolt from her, or a protest. Sasaki smiled, taking that as a no.

(_"Hey, give me back my phone back." She protested, reaching__for her phone, tip toe-ing because of their height difference—embarrassing, she wondered if people are looking at them. "People will start to look at us, give me back my phone."_

_He didn't, and opened the 'contacts' with ease. He faked a hurt tone, and looked at her, "What, you saved my number as 'pudding head?' I know my hair does look like it but you could at least name it Haise or Sasaki—the way you usually address me."_

_Touka crossed her arms together, bringing her hood to her head. "I will, once you give me back my phone."_

_Sasaki shrugged, giving it back. "Well, at least you saved my number."_

_And Touka pinched him when she saw the newly edited name of him—cheesy, it was honey. She instantly put a hand to her mouth, stifling a laugh. After Haise led her to her house, she changed the name again, of course, as pudding-head with a plus of 'a cute one')_

* * *

><p>1.<p>

Their first date—well, technically, it's not really a date but—was after closing time; he waited for her shift to finish and he walked her home. Before reaching her home, they talked about lot of things near the river, staring at the reflection of the stars. ("Hey look, it's a shooting star!" – "What are you, a kid?" – "Oh come on, just make a wish." (she wishes everything would be just as relaxing as this))

2.

Their second date was at the amusement park. As a souvenir, he bought her a doll—a rabbit one. She put it next to her desk, stealing glances to it once she finished an equation.

3.

Their third date, he was surprised when he saw a tear rolled from her eyes. That was the first time they fought.

* * *

><p><strong>Notes:<strong> so i was fangirling again over tg,and i havent even finished readjg the manga but oh spoilers r enough, i cant help but to write this;sasaki is kaneki and its official or at least i think(hope) so -insert gross sobbings here-

second part coming tomorrow if things goes well, also im sorry for errors i typed this on my phone so (this is edited already ok)

leave me a feedback if you liked this :) Thank you very much!


	2. Chapter 2

**Literature**

**.**

**.**

His hetero eyes met with her one visible purple one; and ever since that, he couldn't help but to stare and look at that woman. Something about her felt familiar—yet, very distant as well. He couldn't shake the feeling of interest of her, and when he learned her name; he repeated it many times.

Coming to the café more frequent to see her—no, it wasn't stalking; he was merely… _observing_, investigating her, something about her was weird, but in a good way.

* * *

><p>"You asked her for a date at the bookstore?" Akira raised her eyebrow, narrowing her eyes while eating at the free-bread restaurant, for the second time of the day. She couldn't help it, the naan was good in that place—the crispiness, soft texture of it—<p>

Back to the topic. Haise nodded, burying his head to the table, voice muffled over it. "Yes, I did. And she suddenly stopped, even releasing my hand, then… maybe she cried, and just ran after a few words of parting." Was what Akira thought he said?

_"__Kirishima-san, are you okay?" He waved a hand through her face, his face scrunched with worry as he gazed intently at her beautiful face. His eyes widened, was that a tear…?_

_She breathed out, stepping back and put her hand to her face, then pocketing them into her pocket. "I'm okay—just, a bit startled." My god, did her voice just stutter? Haise bit his lips, then asked again; "A-are you sure? You don't look like—" and she shouted, "I'm okay! Fuck off; it's not your business."_

_He was damned, she was mad for sure. "K-Kirishima-san, if it's about where I choose the place, then we could change it—"_

_"__No, it's not." She said, finally. "And I think I'm leaving… for today, thanks for everything, bye."_

"I mean, what did she mean by '_thanks for everything' _? It sounded like she wanted to end our relationship." He groaned, his head still buried under his arms

Akira cringed at the sight—was this really Sasaki Haise? He looked more like a girl who just had her heart broken by a guy. _I wasn't like this, when I was with him, right? _She thought, a bit afraid that she looked this miserable once. "Sasaki, man up, maybe she's on her period?" She sighed, thinking how girls would be really sensitive at those times.

Finally, he raised his head from the table—there was already a mark on his forehead. "Wow, Akira-san; did you just say that-? But I guess no, Kirishima-san isn't the kind to cry over that."

"Then maybe she does hate literature."

"She hates it so much that she basically stormed out?"

"Then maybe she _hates_ you and was just searching for a right time."

Haise, again, buried his head, making incoherent noises.

She looked at him before sighing and putting the bread on its plate, and then wiped off the crumbs left on her cheek. "But a date at a bookstore is indeed unique…" Akira mumbled, taking a sip of her water. "Why did you choose that place, out of all places?"

_("Here, listen; I would choose a place where the woman would enjoy—and not bored to death.")_

The half-ghoul raised his head, scratching the back of it, eyebrows drawn together. "Erh," he started with a cough, "I don't know, it just feel right, that's all. I mean, I'm searching for some new books." Stopping on his tracks, he slapped himself on the face. "Was I that egoistic when I said that?"

Akira hummed, "Maybe. You should just contact her and give her something she likes," she suggested like how people would—a doubtful tone in her voice, she didn't have that many of chances to resolute a love problem. And why did Sasaki asked her for advice when he knew that she wasn't that keen on love? Was he mocking her-?

"Right! Thanks, Akira-san—" Haise gave a grin, _finally_. Then, opened his arms a bit, making the other raise her eyebrow. "Want a hug? Eh?"

"No, just go." Akira politely declined, a smile on her face—this side of Sasaki never changed indeed, just like when she first remembered him asking a date, and she declined it the way… she declined Amon. "I would rather not waste my time, and you should focus on your _work _and girl."

* * *

><p>Touka never did like reading books.<p>

Even though her father always had reprimanded her that reading was good, she never did like it; she wouldn't read it if it wasn't for her studies—heck, she would _burn _those useless books. Fortunately, she was clever enough at Japanese so she was able to teach Hinami some words—though, Kaneki mostly do the teaching.

But yes, she didn't like books. If she were to calculate it from the scale of 1 to 10, she would rate it over 10.

Yet, why was she holding one?

_Takatsuki Sen, _she thought it out loud. It was one of his favorite authors—if she remembered clearly, as what she once heard from Hide's conversation with Kaneki, those peaceful days. And Hide told her some of Kaneki's habits, lifestyle and all. She bit her lips, trying to stop the tears threatening to pour from her eyes.

_("A date at a bookstore?" that man exclaimed loudly—way too loud, the customers gazed at the duo, frowning at how loud they were. "H-Hide! Stop laughing, and what's so funny about it?" the other with black hair answered, offended._

_She frowned at how loud they were, can't they keep it down? It was bothering the other customers. "Sorry, but your date… will not going to end up well." The teen called 'Hide' waved his hand, "The girl would be bored to death." Touka had to agree with that, especially if she was the girl invited to a date at that place. Why choose a bookstore for a date? What a dweeb.)_

First, an amusement park—she didn't really mind since she did enjoy the place, but second, he just had to choose a bookstore. Of course, her mind would immediately go where _that _incident happened. _Yes, he was on a date with Rize, on a bookstore. _And that pained her more, making her hope, just a bit, that he was Kaneki; Sasaki Haise was Kaneki Ken.

Of course he was not, for the hundredth of time. She groaned, _why are you such a crybaby now, Touka? Fuck. _Her phone rang, looking at the caller id—pudding head. When she was about to answer, the call was ended already and a text followed after that; "Kirishima-san?

Are you okay? You didn't answer any of texts after that, did you go home well? The train was stopped because of the heavy rain and all :(

Um, about today—I'm very sorry if I said something that offended you. Akira-san said that you're in your period (I'm so sorry omg) and yea, urh, maybeyouare.

Rest well, since you're not diabetics, I wish you a sweet dream;)

P.S: Ignore my invitation for our next date; you could choose the place next time."

He was hoping for a next time? Touka clenched her chest, feeling the need to do it, her chest was hurting so much (that sounded more cliché that she thought) from the confusion; why can't she just type no? Just two simple letters; n and o. And then maybe she could type another reply; I don't want to see you anymore,

Just like how she always tells those boys in school.

Sasaki was no different from them—well, a bit, but-!

She remembered what Yoriko told her what to do in a relationship—If you wanted to end it, then meet the person directly, just for a last moment to remember, at least for him. Touka frowned, what if she couldn't say it again to him? Sometimes her actions weren't what her mind wanted to be done.

Okay.

She dialed his number; "Hello?" It hasn't been for one day but—why did she already miss that sound? Again, how cliché her life turned out to be. "Kirishima-san?"

"Sasaki-san," She called his name, a tingle of warm residing inside after that, "I'm free tomorrow."

"Erh—"There was an awkward silent after that, until it broke. "You are-? Um, does that mean that—"

Touka scrunched her nose, "I'm fine with the bookstore. Tomorrow, at two."

A chirp was his answer; "Sure!"

_If only Sasaki was Kaneki, things would be easier._

* * *

><p>Haise was beyond happy when he heard what her answer was, <em>thank god, she wasn't that mad anymore<em>. Because of that, he returned to his apartment with a beaming smile—which caused confusion to Mutsuki. "Sasaki-senpai, did something happen today?"

The older male replied, "You could say so, Mucchan."

_Mucchan…? _Mutsuki sweat dropped, was Sasaki that tired or happy? He sighed, smiling at Haise. "The others are in their room; Urie-kun had just gotten home though, so now he's showering." He informed his superior.

Haise nodded, rolling his sleeves up to his elbow, heating up the stove. "Then, I'll prepare dinner for you all. Is hamburger steak alright?" he asked, opening up the fridge, pulling out some packs of frozen hamburgers.

The other shrugged, "We'll enjoy it either way." He gazed at the humming Haise, "Was it Kirishima-san, again?" and his response was a laugh. "I'm glad things are turning good for you two…"

"Oh, Sassan's cooking again?" Shirazu showed up from the stairs, with a towel on his neck. It seemed like he had just finished showering—so Urie must be the one showering right now. His stomach growled out of hunger, "Bring me the food."

"It's not done yet, Shirazu-kun," Haise sighed, then pulled out something from his pocket. He threw the object to the orange haired who caught it and grinned when he saw his key. "Next time, don't leave your key at work; you love your motorcycle, right?"

Shirazu immediately put his key on his shorts, "At least it's not gone. Thanks."

Moments later, Urie appeared with his usual bed wear, hair still wet from the shower. He told them that Saiko won't be joining for dinner since she was as usual—playing games inside her room. Dinner was served; they ate, giving compliments to the chef (well beside Urie, of course.)

* * *

><p>It took twenty minutes or more for them to meet up, given by Touka's usual tardiness for showing up early. Of course, Sasaki paid no heed to that and just offered his hand in which Touka did not took, to his disappointment. Nevertheless, they headed to the bookstore immediately, and Touka had to hide her grimace from all of the books surrounding them.<p>

It seemed like Sasaki was enjoying himself, gazing at the books with pure intent while Touka merely walk around the store, maybe opening a few books that cover caught her interest. Her breath hitched as her eyes read the cover; The Black Goat's Egg by Takatsuki Sen.

Hinami would often tell her stories about how Kaneki and her love Takatsuki's works, and how she sometimes imagine him as one of the protag in it; in which Touka had to comfort Hinami every time after that, because the memories of him _were too painful_.

"Kirishima-san, you like that kind of book?" Sasaki suddenly said behind her, surprising her in process. She regained her composure after a few seconds and shook her head, saying that she doesn't particularly like literature that much. "Oh, I see." There was a hurtful tone in his voice, "Why didn't you say so-? I could have changed the place…"

Touka shrugged, "It's alright, I agreed to it." Her fingers caressed the book, a light smile founding its way to her lips, "I just wonder, would reading something our dearest person loved would be like conversing with him…?"

"Come again?"

"No, it's just a thought." She changed the topic, realizing what she just said in front of him wasn't that appropriate. "Are you going to buy that?" She pointed at the book Sasaki was holding—_holy frick, _that was a lot.

Sasaki blinked, again, scratching the back of his head. "Well, I was going to check out a few of these— but then I felt like I've read most of them, so I was going put a few back in."

"You have a good memory then,"

"Well, we only need the second glance to review a book." He whispered, chuckling. She groaned, again of his lame puns, she was getting tired of that. Sasaki put a few books in the shelves again, with a smile on his face—_darn, he looks so adorable with that glasses_—and failed to notice Touka watching him with a smile on her face, both warm yet held doubt.

* * *

><p>After a few hours at the bookstore (Sasaki was just that immersed in his world), they went out for a walk around the town, talking about their work and stuffs until they didn't even notice the drips of rain getting heavier.<p>

"Are you hungry? We could shelter ourselves in that resto." Sasaki pointed to the restaurant a few blocks away from them—well, he remembered the place, it was Akira's favorite place, the Naan restaurant.

Touka just shook her head, she didn't want to eat in this kind of condition, "I'm not that hungry." Then she continued it with an offer to still go there, if he was hungry, and he declined it. In the end, the both of them were sheltering in front of a house.

She frowned at how the rain wasn't getting subside, she wanted to release herself from this torture—their bodies were touching, their shoulders were touching. Sasaki had used his coat for covering them up, resulting their close proximity—she wanted to go away, but she didn't want to get caught up in the rain and caught a cold; the shelter wasn't really helping since the roof was a little small.

_(She remembered how they was this close before—it was at the rain too, he had offered her a hug to warm themselves up. Strangely enough, she found herself agreeing to that offer.)_

Maybe her cheeks were red now, damn, she didn't want to show this kind of face to the person she was going to reject—she didn't want to continue this anymore, it was torture, seriously. She tried, but she can't find herself forgetting about him, imagining Sasaki as _him_.

"—Kirishima-san?" He called for her name, craning his neck to look at her. His hand reached out for something, as he pulled it out and gripped it tightly. "Give me your hand," Touka did so, she opened her palm, "close your eyes."

And she did; the next thing she felt was something fluffy on her palm. "—you can open it now." She opened her eyes, blinking at the object before her; a rabbit phone chain? "… This is my apology for yesterday; I guess I said something that offended you, and yeah, you ran off." He explained, nervous again. She said nothing, she just looked at it.

It was small, it had a soft texture, and it had a ribbon on its left long ears. It was brand new, and maybe he had just bought it since there was still a price tag on it.

"You always have these rabbit key chains, so I bought one for your phone." Sasaki chuckled, "Do you like it, Kirishima-san?"

_(Happy birthday, Touka-chan. Here's a rabbit keychain for you.)_

"—ka." She whispered, making the male tilt his head put his ear closer to her because he didn't really hear what she said. "_Touka-chan_," She looked up, and their eyes met. "Call me that, just this once." Her free hand gripped his shirt tightly, tighter and tighter every second.

Sasaki blinked, and obeyed. "Touka-chan." Tighter. "Touka-chan." And then it was loose, "… I could call you that, every time, if you want." He proposed, blushing a bit—the name 'Touka-chan' sounded so strange to him, for him to voice it, very nostalgic. And he liked it.

"No!" At first, she declined in a loud voice, and then repeated it in a softer voice. "No, no. I just need… Yep, I'm satisfied now. Really, please call me like you usually do after this."

"Urh, are you sure? If you're comfortable with me calling you that, then I'll—"

Her grip was tight again. He stopped, "Sure." And he smiled, Touka couldn't shake off the butterflies in her stomach which she guess, were flapping their wings uncontrollably.

_It's just a simple smile, why are you like this?_ She pondered. She hid her face in her palms, and when she opened a slight gap, _he's close, close, very very close. _

He put his head on her shoulder, and Touka shivered at his hot breath—the cold breeze wasn't really helping at all. "Thank you, for still giving me a chance." And he gave a slight peck on the cheek—she fumbled. "Sorry."

His wet new books were the last thing he cared.

* * *

><p>1. "I missed your birthday," he whispered out, "May I give my gift?"<p>

Touka shrugged, "It depends—what are you going to give me?"

A hum, he was enjoying this. "A kiss."

2. A girl, still on her early twenties grimaced at the couple before her, her house key dangling in her pocket. It is raining, but can't they choose a cafe as hteir shelter instead of somebody's house?

3. She fell asleep on his shoulder while he was still not done reading the sentence for her, he merely smiled and caressed her hair—_how soft_, he didn't regret offering shelter at his house for a while.

4. The next morning, the Quinz squad stared at Haise, constantly shaking their heads, resulting a confused Haise.

**.**

**.**

**Notes; **omg I finally finished this I'm so sorry if this really sucks, idk like I got so many assignments due to tomorrow but I just had to write okay I'm enjoying this too much. I enjoyed writing the Quinx dorks the first number was just an uninserted idea lol. AND I SHIP HAISE/AKIRA AND AKIRA/AMON AND HIDE/TOUKA ;-; so i'm so sorry for the insert of it it's only a little so

As usual, leave me a feedback if you liked this, and thank you for your favorites+follows+reviews! They warm my heart everytime. Please tell me if you want more of this, I'm writing this for fun afterall:) andI'mdesertingmyotherficsomgi'msosorry.

The puns were from pun of the day com okay, I have no idea how to write a pun.i'mnotgomen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Haunting**

**.**

**.**

Sometimes, he would see someone's fingers twisted and cut with pliers, a horrifyingly detailed screams and graphics of torture _(ovEroveroVeRoverOvEranDoverAGaIn_), scrambled insides of one's, the sounds of bones breaking—(_and the sphenoid bone, that makes 103 bones, right….?)_

_._

Ten days before December 20th, for some reason he didn't particularly know, he always had these dreams, hallucinations, and _they were all the same, every year_. For ten days straight, Haise never could get any good sleep, even books and coffees weren't any help at all; the doctor had said maybe it was because of work pilling up at the end of the year but—Haise hardly believed that.

If it was, why did it happen every year? And disgustingly detailed of it too; Haise never did like something related to _gore_ and blood, despite him being a CCG investigator and a half ghoul. He ate because he _had _to, and not because he _loves_ it—

_(have to eat….stronger…protect, friends-)_

Urgh, again with the hallucination—ignore, _ignore that person in front of you, Haise._ He repeated it, again and again, closing his eyes, clutching the bed sheets tightly. _There is no person, no purple haired woman, no koala-looking man, and there is no __**monster**__._

Haise covered his eyes and mouth with his hands, groaning inside, pinching his cheeks afterwards. After washing his face –(wow he looked hideous), he forced himself to change into his proper attire for work, and headed off to the kitchen to fix up breakfast for his squad.

"—aki-san!" He barely noticed Mutsuki calling his name over and over, waving his hand over his face—and he even failed to notice that his palm was burnt; red to purple streaks, torn skin (it was healing). He yelped when he finally realized it, and immediately went to wash his hands with cold water—_man, it stings_.

Hissing in pain, he rubbed the burnt skin of his hands _(and then twist those slender tiny fingers and cut cut cut cut them with plierspliers!) _as Mutsuki prepared a cloth for him. Haise accepted it with gratitude; "Thank you," in response, the other nodded with a frown. "Sasaki-san, you should rest, this happens every year, doesn't it?"

No, no, that was not needed. Haise found himself replying, shaking his head and heated up the stove, now carefully to not get his hand burnt again. Mutsuki tried to stop him from preparing breakfast, stating that they could eat bread but Haise persistently said he could manage.

"Sasaki," Urie called his name—oh, he didn't notice the man was there. "Akira called; asking how did you feel for today."

"Tell her that I'm fine." He replied, without taking any breath. "It's just the first day, nothing could get worse."

* * *

><p>Oh, was he wrong about that.<p>

It just had to be in the meeting where he suddenly felt the need to throw up, he had to ask Akira to cover him up and gave him the reports he missed for the day to go to the toilet threw up… _meat_. "Of course," he mumbled, wiping the saliva from his mouth.

_I didn't eat any human food, so it's not because of it._ He slapped himself on the face; _I ate yesterday. _Great, so now his supposedly supply for one month was all gone now in the sewer—just, great! A jolt came from his stomach—urgh, he hated it when he wanted to throw up, but nothing came out.

Should he search for food tonight? Maybe, he should. Yeah, he should.

He didn't want to face _a ghoul's hunger _again. Especially within the span of these ten days (he still didn't understand why under those days, he was the most vulnerable both mentally and physically)

The first day ended, Haise was glad it was over; _nine days to go?_ He wondered if it would really be a cycle for him every year; he surely did not hope so. After he had gone back from _eating,_ all that was in his mind was to sleep, just sleep.

Fortunately for him, he didn't get any nightmares; he just slept without any care for the world.

* * *

><p>Akira stared worryingly at him, who was trying hard not to fall asleep while writing the report. It was somehow amusing looking how he tried so hard to keep his eyes open when a few seconds after that he would lose his balance and sleep for a second—though, he did wake up after that. But it didn't escape from her being worried about him.<p>

"Sasaki," she called, reaching out for him. The called man realized his name being called and (loudly) answered; 'Urhh?' adorably. "I suggest you should take a rest." She suggested, before putting her hand to his face. "You, with this kind of condition _will _make many mistakes on the report and _I'm _the one responsible for it; I don't want to waste any second just to review your mistakes all over and over again."

She knew what his problem was for every year; she wasn't his superior for years just for nothing after all. At first, she didn't know what to do to help him, but a little by little, she could help.

Like for example, some alone time reading a book would help him, he said it was to ease his mind for a bit. And… _eating_, yep, he could manage that alone. Third, he cannot be engaged in a serious battle or he would lose control _again_. Fourth, support.

Akira knew, Haise's biggest fear was being alone. From all of the fears that could be listed in the universe, his biggest one was loneliness. And she had to make him believe—he was never alone. That would calm him down the most.

He fumbled, trying to find any reason to retort back to her statement but of course he didn't find any—no one could. Akira was a woman with brains. "I appreciate that." He smiled sheepishly, before excusing himself to the infirmary, grabbing a book as he did. "I'll let you know when I, uh, got better."

"Just go," she rolled her eyes, dismissing him. She looked at the running figure before sighing and glanced at the documents before her—_this was going to be a long day_. But, at least she could help the hybrid a little.

* * *

><p>Fourth day, the hallucinations started again.<p>

There was always a kind woman making paper flowers and overworking herself, _(mothermothermothermothermother) _and a black haired boy whom Haise thought was her son; and another woman whose face was abstracted in his mind with a wicked smile.

What bothered him the most that he wasn't unable to hold back his tears every time those images came; he didn't know what it means but his tears won't stop overflowing. Especially when there was a boy with orange hair and black streaks, continuously having depression and mood swings.

There were a lot of people beside them, but as always, their faces were always blurred—why, he didn't know. Haise sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. He couldn't sleep for the night, let alone relax. When he thought he could finally calm down and regain his composure, something would come and haunt him again—

**"****_Haise,"_**

That voice, again.

**_"_****_Aren't we ugly-?"_**

He covered his ears with his hands, shutting his eyes close. No, there were no voices. There wasn't any person behind you, Haise. _"don't be cold, you know that I'm here." _A cod shiver entered his spine—it felt like real, it felt like someone was really behind you and whispering behind your ear with his cold breath. Haise trembled from it, shaking his head several times before burying his head on the pillow. **_"LoOkAtME."_**

_ShutupshutupshutupshutupShUTUpShUtUpshutupShutIUpSHuTUpSHUtThEFuucKUuuuP_

* * *

><p>He hadn't checked his phone for six days, hell; he didn't even bother looking at it. Each time a message came, he ignored it and instead focused on his work—at least, he tried. He couldn't sleep; he couldn't rest, nor relax. The only option that was left was work.<p>

The lack of sleep was getting the head of him; his eyes looked like panda, his hair was a mess, he looked paler every second. His digestion was a mess too; sometimes, he would throw up nothing and a lot of 'meat' which made him to lose every meal he digested inside.

His condition wasn't in the best condition to hunt food; but he needed one.

_(MEATmeAtMeAtmeATmEaT)_

"Sasaki-san," A knock came from the door. It was Mutsuki, Haise allowed him to go in. Mutsuki opened the door and went to Haise's side, bringing him coffee and a few documents. "Akira-san left these for you; and here's some coffee."

Haise nodded, thanking him in progress while accepting the documents, massaging his temples. "Sasaki-san," again, Mutsuki called. He shrugged, "Kirishima-san called,"

"She asked why you haven't been replying to her calls or messages."

Oh

O h

O H

Fuck.

"Don't worry," Mutsuki continued, rubbing the back of his neck. "I've told her that you were busy, and were not ignoring your phone." He let the corner of his lips make a smirk, a teasing one with his eyebrows raised. At that, the older male blushed and looked at the other way, ashamed. "But you should at least contact her; why won't you tell her about your problem?"

He shrugged his shoulders, turning his chair to look at the other. He leaned against his thighs, putting his chin on his palm. "I don't want to make her worry too much," Haise chuckled. "It's not like I don't trust her, but I just don't want to tell her… I don't know."

Haise buried his face, "But should I…?" He groaned. "Mutsuki, before we were dating; she warned me that she hasn't forgotten about someone yet and… I kind of remind her of him."

"Did she?" He blinked.

In response, he nodded and sighed heavily. "I didn't mind; true, it pains but as long as I could see her—woah, that sounded way cheesier than I expected—and probably she could forget him someday. But the thing is, she said that _he _had these mental disorders as well. So maybe, she'll run off again because I reminded her _again_." Ruffling his messy locks, he looked at Mutsuki expectantly. "Urh, so should I meet her and tell her about it? I'm not that sure, urgh."

To be honest, Mutsuki didn't know what to answer—oh, so Kirishima-san is like that? He just knew, and seriously, he was never good at relationships like that. Maybe, as a man, he couldn't understand but as a woman before… "She won't be mad."

"She'll understand… I guess. And instead, she would cherish you more? Well, I'm pretty sure she views you as _Sasaki Haise _now, not the person she loved." He smiled, playing with his fingers. "I don't really know, but I'm sure of that."

Haise put his hands into a clasp, praying. "I sure hope so."

_To: Kirishima Touka -heart-  
><em>

_Subject: tomorrow?_

_Erh, so I'm veryyy sorry for not replying your messages or calls; I've been a bit busy lately. Sorry! To make it up, how about hanging out tomorrow? I'll try my best to show up, I swear!_

Well, he hoped he'll be able to; with his current condition. _(TOUKACHANTOUKACHAN)_

And to his disappointment, she replied; 'No, take your time. I can't go out tomorrow, or the day after that. Sorry, good luck with your work.'

* * *

><p>He was with Akira when he met a purple haired man who looked a lot like a few people who appeared inside his dreams.<p>

At first, he ignored it, because he thought maybe it was another of his hallucinations. But he took care in it when he felt the man staring holes at him at every movement he did. He was beginning to feel uncomfortable, fidgeting while trying hard to focus on his discussion with Akira. It's not really a discussion, really; Haise asked Akira to read him his book, since for some reason, and his eyesight was beginning to get worse at the moment— like last year.

Of course, Akira didn't mind, since she was ordered to care of him every ten days before December 20th. She was also worried of his wellbeing.

"Sasaki," Akira said, bringing his attention to her. "Just ignore that person." She mumbled while flipping another page of her book—actually, Haise's. Coughing, she brought the coffee to her mouth. "So, let's continue; his martyr complex started again—good grief, how she despises how he would…"

Oof.

"_Oh mon dieu! _My deepest apologies," Was that French? Haise wasn't that sure, but all he cared was the stained left sleeve of his coat—man, it was hard to wash. "Did it stain? I'm very sorry—can I bring my change of clothes for you, monsieur?" The French man offered—oh, it was that purple haired man.

Haise shook his head, waving his hand. "No, it's not needed, really."

"Please, sir." The taller male offered a card—he accepted it, _Tsukiyama Shuu_. Shuu? Wow, he could use the man's name as a joke! Shoo, shuu! Damn that was brilliant. "I really feel guilty… and you _really, really _look like a person I knew. I'm searching for him now." He winked, but his tone sounded very… desperate.

Looking at Akira who was clicking her tongue, Haise bit his lips, something about this man wasn't right—but something about him felt right too. That was confusing. "I'm sorry, but I'm not the person you know… But I sure hope you can find him soon."

_(I will be your sword hidden under your pillow*)_

The man smiled bitterly at that, "… Merci, but, can I at least, have your name?"

_(for dear lord… would you please not go?)_

Haise shrugged, "Sure, its Sasaki Haise." Tsukiyama offered his hand, as Haise reluctantly accepted it, feeling a wave of recognition flowing inside him but waves it off.

* * *

><p>It was the eight day, and he hadn't slept for… four days? Or was it three? He lost count. The only thing he cared was—two more days to go, and he'll somehow get better, or at least he thought so. His sleep deprivation was getting worse and he didn't like it a bit; he wanted to sleep so badly, but his consciousness won't let him to.<p>

The last time he checked his heart rate, it was average, but when he checked it now; _wow, that sure is high_. No wonder he felt his breath slightly ragged, it was because of that. Should he drink a medicine for it? Yeahh, he'll ask Mutsuki to buy it later.

Canon in D played as his next music in his playlist; closing his eyes, he enjoyed the tune in it; it sounded so pure and innocent to him (oh very different from him) Haise twirled his pen, playing with it and humming every melody.

At the very least, he could listen to this beautiful song.

(but things never go as expected)

It was sudden, too sudden for him. An image of that man appeared again, sitting on a chair with chains chaining his movements. His lips moved, and Haise managed to catch what was the man mouthing.

**do**

**you**

**know**

**what**

**it **

**feels**

**like**

**having **

**a **

**live**

**centipede**

**InSIDEyOuuREaaRRR?**

He screamed and screamed, covering his ears. Falling down from his seat, he laid down, constantly rolling to his left, right, left, right. The cable unplugged itself from the MP3 Player but he didn't care—he didn't even know the music had died within his ears.

_ITSCRAWLINGCRAWLINGITSCRAWLING_

He shook his head millions of times, pinching his cheeks, jaw, ears, desperately trying to _get off the thing inside __**his ear**_**. **His body won't stop trembling, his fingers won't stop cracking itself, and finally, for a span of three minutes or more—it stopped.

Haise breathed in and out, repeating the steps many times before standing up slowly, heading off to the mirror. He looked and looked, and put a cotton bud inside his ear, expecting a… _creature_ inside.

There was nothing.

* * *

><p>He lost control at the ninth day, it was fifteen minutes to midnight—fifteen minutes before December 20th.<p>

He didn't know why, but again, those hallucinations haunted him again and again—apparently, there were lots of people there, cries, screams, tortures, and red. The color red.

_Blood._

HUNGRY HUNGRY HUNGRYHUNGRY

"Sasaki-san!" who? Who? Who is sasaki? Who? "Please calm down! Saiko, please call Akira-san!" c-c-c-calm down? How how how?

"Fuck! Urie, help me restrain him!"

Don't touch me don't touch me no no you won't chain me again you won't chain me again "—I'm trying to," a grunt, then followed by a scream then another of the color red. It's so pretty pretty pretty—DELICIOUS! "h-he ate me—"

MOREMOREMOREMOREMORE**_MORE!_**

_"__aya-to-kun-you're half killed—sphenoid bone so that makes 103 bones right?"_ Chant chant chant, isn't this a beautiful melody? Canon in d yeah canon in d HARMONY_—"that is twist twist and cut your fingers with pliers."_ Shake your head shake your head twist your fingers, break every bone, crack crack and crack.

Stares stares and stares STOPSTARINGATME—MONSTER. "Sasaki-san, Akira-san has come, please get a hold of yourself!"

_"__put a live centipede inside your ear, go to a date to the bookstore and get your insides gently scrambled—haha-hahaha"_

"Sasaki!" was that a briefcase?q-q-q-uin-que? Getthatawayfromm a aa a aaaa more blood more more more not mine not mine not my blood them them themthemthemthem

saneinsanesaneinsaneinsaneSANEinSaNEINsanE

**"****1000 MINUS 7 MINUS 7 MINUS 7 MINUS 7 IS WHAAT?"**

* * *

><p>She shouldn't have declined his offer.<p>

She should have visited him. She shouldn't have mope around in her house, she should have ask his condition, she shouldn't have she shouldn't have-!

She shouldn't have felt everything was going to be alright.

_Run Touka, run! _She did, as fast as she could; she wondered if he was doing fine, was he really sick? In a hospital? Or was he having troubles with his work—he was a CCG, wasn't he? Was she making the right choice to go to him now, when she was being hunt?

No.

But it wasn't the wrong choice either. Where where where might he be? His subordinate only told her that he was in trouble-! Damn, she really didn't remember his address even though she had gone to his place many times—psst, how she hated her forgetfulness.

(she saw him in an alley)

Was that him? The only person she knew who had a hair like that was him—what was he doing outside when the others told her that he was in his house? (tip top tip top walking closer) "Sa-sasaki," it felt like ages she hadn't call for his name, did it come like a stutter? Oh dear. No responses coming from him, step, there was only a few meters between them. "H-Haise." She called again.

No responses.

She felt danger.

She took a closer look at Sasaki, widening her eyes as he turned back to look at her, one eye red and one eye being his usual grey one.

A

**ka**

**ku**

**gan**

.

.

(tik tok tik tok, the clock read 12.00 a.m)

.

.

.

"**t-t-t-t-ou-ka—chaan?"**

All she could see afterwards was Ka—Sasaki's usual face, with his usual worried face and both of his eyes, grey. It was just a hallucination.

The pain was just a hallucination; all she just saw was just a hallucination, the chomped part of her shoulder was just a hallucination, the blod smearing on his lips was just, yet another hallucination.

But was that a tear? "—haise." Choking out, she whispered, stretching out her hand.

(her kakugan came out)

.

.

Without any hesitation, he took her hand.

* * *

><p><strong>Notes<strong>: WOW. I'm glad you guys enjoyed my oneshots of these two lol, even though THERE'S A LOT of mistakes in my part, like the present tenses and all. Yet again, I apologize for mistakes-I have a test tomorrow; wish me luck guys. Urh, so, I kind of want to make a twisted chapter so here it is. Call me cruel but I laughed at haise's screams and all; I PUT **_HARMONY_** IN THERE I CAN'T HELP BUT JUST LAUGH. there was tsukiyama and I can't help it so

Tell me if you want more! :)maybe I'll add a part when haise thinks he is kaneki = thus making a crack one since he'll like wear a wig and an eyepatch or something for touka

Thanks for your support; keep them on;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Incomplete**

"I'm not the person you expected to be—hell, I don't even know _myself_, what I am, or who I am." And there's a monster inside of me, please don't get near me, I'm begging you. I'm leaving, and that's just my final favor to ask of you. "You're just exactly like him, constantly saying bullshit, and just leave like that. No, I don't want to repeat another mistake; I am begging you, stay."

* * *

><p>"Akira-san, I'm very, <em>very <em>sorry for troubling you."

Haise bowed deeply, like how they first met each other at the grave, long with his head down. The only exception was how once, he bowed in order to get recognition and this time, he bowed in shame. It was long, before Akira grabbed ahold of his hair, and pulled it—harshly. And of course, he shrieked in pain silently.

Complaining in how it hurt, and why did she do that, he closed his mouth shut after looking at her face. "Think of me as doing my job. And I've enough trouble with dealing you every day, so consider it as an overtime job." Her gaze wasn't cold, but wasn't warm either. It held both of them yet so far from it.

The half-ghoul chewed his bottom lip, clenched his fist, exclaiming; "But I almost…" his face scrunched in disgust, "…_ate_ you. And don't forget the Quinx, urgh, how am I'm supposed to…?" _face them? Am I'm worthy? _His face showed it all.

She sighed, clasping her hands together. "It seems that your hair is starting to grow… black roots."

"…Oh, um, it just grew; I don't know why… something about how I was… or something." In response, he twirled some of his black locks. "I know you're mad with me, just be honest."

An urge to give him a Mado Punch intensified, but she held it back. "Sasaki, you don't want to taste a _Mado Punch, _do you? And please," Akira scoffed, "remember that we have high hopes in you, ever since Arima brought you in here. How much time did this kind of dialogue happen? So shut it."

Mado Punch? Haise wondered about that, what kind of punch was that…? To think Akira would be the person to name something so… _silly_. But at least there wasn't a super in it, or ultra, or any ridiculous long combination of vocabularies—typical of shounen heroes to use. "…I understand," He didn't want to bring the topic even further, knowing it would only bring injuries to him afterwards.

"…The higher-ups will deal about the Quinx, they're bound to do something; the kids… aren't ready to know about you—they're still in training. And what happened with the girl?"

_Touka-chan_. He corrected inside his mind—no, _Kirishima-san_. Remember, she told you not to call her with that name. "Kirishima-san…? Well, I guess she's alright."

Akira narrowed her eyes, "Did she find out?"

_He couldn't shake off that feeling; guilt. From the moment he had his consciousness, the first thing that came to mind was; I'm sorry,I'msorryI'msorryi'msorry._

_And that was the moment his mind registered the taste of blood within, and the sight her shoulder chomped off._

_I'mSorRyi'MsoRrYi'mSOsoRry._

Haise chuckled bitterly, "Maybe she did, I don't know."

* * *

><p>Touka Kirishima hated hospitals. And that was final.<p>

The stench—though she was a ghoul, she hated it, for unknown reasons—maybe because it was too strong for her nose? The people in there, oh and, she hated the choice of color they used; white? Were they trying to present an image of pure, innocent—like saints? Pft, the hospital saves people but beneath it, they also kill. _Kanou, _she immediately remembered that sick doctor's name.

She could have run and ditch the place, but, sadly she can't. It wasn't nice of her if she just ran without telling him first—and oh, she tried, she _really _tried. But he was that stubborn in insisting her to get treated in a hospital, and staying there until he came back from work.

Him, Sasaki Haise, that damn worrywart. Geez, it was only a small… chomp, if that was the proper way to elaborate it. Nah, injury fits better. Continuing on the topic, Touka had worse than this, not that he knows or something, but… _It's no big deal_, seriously.

_("But Touka-chan, an injury is an injury…!")_

Great. She got reminded of Kaneki again, the time after the fight with Nishiki. He overreacted too much, and that was very, very annoying. He should just thank her instead of saying sorry all over and over again. And if she remembered well, his friend's was injured in the head, not the shoulder like her. It was already clear that the head has more risks of any mental trauma instead of the shoulder, even children knows that.

Her gaze landed on her bandaged shoulder,

_(his usual warm eyes looked far from warm. )_

He wasn't Sasaki… nor Kaneki. _It was just the same as…_

"Why did he have to change so much?" Touka chuckled without any hints of sarcasm or laughter. _And it wasn't a dream, it was real. That man was Sasaki Haise. _She gripped the bed sheets tightly, she missed him, and she really does. But now, that damn puddinghead worried her more.

It was December 21st, the day after she realized he, Sasaki Haise was a ghoul—or a half one, it seems.

Who on earth was he?

A CCG investigator—yet also a hybrid, an average looking twenty one years old (turned twenty two yesterday) man with the exception of his two color hair, someone who does _funny—_or punny, curtesy of him—jokes. He loves to read books, had an "accident" to his eyes, according to what he said. His blood type? Maybe AB. And what else? When was his birthday? His family? …his past?

She just realized she doesn't know much about him. Like she doesn't know about _him_.

Then again, he doesn't know much of her. Maybe. Unless he stalked her.

… What was he doing right now?She wondered, while looking at the book he brought her to spend some time. Biology… yep, he brought her that, and what was that? Another literature book. How considerate.

"_You like biology?" Blinking, he looked from behind her shoulder, sneaking a peek to her book. _

_She was shocked; of course, she didn't expect him to show up. "…I find it interesting, I guess… Learning about human's organs and stuffs and—"_

_For a reason, his cheeks tinted with pink. "Oh my god, Kirishima-san. I never knew you… like that kind of stuff."_

"_Wait, what are you talking about?" She blurted out, embarrassed. "No, I was wondering… the difference in our evolution with… ghoul's."_

_Sasaki shut his mouth, "Oh, that." And then he shrugged his shoulders, "I guess ghouls are the same? So like, homo erectus—ghouls were monkeys too, it seems." He laughed at his own joke. "Um, sorry."_

_Touka rolled her eyes before pointing her pen in front of him, "Oh sorry—" she didn't expect him to be that scared, maybe he's scared of pointy objects? "In other case, were you thinking about human reproduction or something? Are you that perverted of an investigator?"_

"_N-No, of course not." Sasaki denied, "But I am perverted, if I'm thinking to test it."_

"_Forget it," she held back a laugh._

…Right, that part. She sighed in bliss, a smile forming on her pale face. Sasaki is Sasaki, whether he's a half-ghoul or not. It didn't bother her.

What bothered her was…

_Is he going to accept me, as a ghoul? _Thinking about it made her heart break. Maybe, he won't, or he will. He was a CCG, she wouldn't be surprised if he did reported her. She could manage to run… again. Or maybe, he'll be all _no-you-can't-be-near-me-I'll-hurt-you_-the complete opposite from the first, but she doubt he won't be like that, considering their conversation from before.

"_I am okay, I don't need to go to the fucking hospital—I've had worse," she reasoned, holding her shoulder with her left hand, growling at the taller male. "Stop worrying, I'm really okay. I think you're the one who's-"_

_What surprised her was his sudden raise of voice, "Listen to me!" and he breathed out, calming himself down while pulling the some of his hair. "Look, please, I'm __**begging**__you to listen to me; go to the hospital, I'll pay. This is my responsibility—you're my responsibility. "she looked at him but he didn't look back. _

_She tried to put a hand to his shoulder—at least, giving him an act of comfort, but he shook her hand away lightly without looking at her, again. "Kirishima-san, I will come to the hospital after I finish work; and I _won't _go home until I find you in it."_

That was that and she was proud of herself; proud of being able to contain the strong urge to kick him that time, instead, she just reluctantly obeyed him. (she'stotallynotdoingthatagain)

* * *

><p>Good thing was that the nightmares, hallucinations, or anything related to his continuous thoughts ten days before December 20th—well like, bones, centipedes (he shivered to that), checker mates floor, blood, fingers, etc—ended. At least now, he could sleep better and work better.<p>

Bad thing was, he's stuck with another nightmare. The usual him, sitting on a chair, with chains, continuously whispering from behind—_give me, give me back what's mine—_but that was already usual, he just added the taboo word; _SHE GOT INJURED AND WHO'S FAULT WAS THAT?_ While crying loudly, screeching, choking him—and _himself_.

He woke up, greeted by a gift; sweat all over his face. At least the papers didn't get wet… too wet, still could be saved. Speaking of which—what time is it? It's 5 p.m already, urgh, he didn't realize it was that late already.

Haise immediately said his goodbyes to the other squad, ignoring the comments about him—as always, how incompetent he was being, naïve, and stuffs. And yes, about him rampaging. _Good thing Arima-san and Akira-san… _he shook his head, time to go to the hospital.

Arriving at the hospital, he had already made up his mind.

"Kirishima-san," he knocked to her door, and it was opened right away—instead of saying hello, or hi, he was silent, looking at her bandaged shoulder. **My fault it was my fault**.

Touka bit her lips, "Hey." She called out, waving her hand to his eyes, "Wake up you dweeb, and get in." he did so. She was doing great, he assumed. It seems it wasn't that deep—**but still, you injured someone dear to me—us. B-b-banj-o-u**

He gritted his teeth, feeling a sudden nauseous feeling inside, stop talking, please. And the whispers stopped. "…Is your shoulder alright?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes, "Like I said, I've had worse." But even so, I still—"The book was great, I enjoyed it. It was quite detailed, and simple enough for me to understand. Thanks."

"Ah, I'm glad you did… I just had the hunch you would like it," he smiled feeling slightly happy by her words, she's okay, she's okay and that's what matters. "Did you read the other one?" trying to ease up the tension, he continued. She made a face, and he laughed sheepishly, she followed doing so.

It was… nice talking to her like this. Like the old days,

_Can't I just rewind our life?_

* * *

><p>A second to look at his face was all she needed to figure what was he going to say afterwards. "Kirishima-san, I—" No, don't, stop. Shut your mouth, or I'll rip you into pieces, she voiced out—she hoped it sounded fierce enough. "No, listen. I can't—" <em>I have a monster inside of me I don't even know who I am<em>

**I AM (-) -GivvEMebacKi'lltakecareOfthINGSFoRYOu **(shutup)

"If you say that, then doesn't that make me the same?" She glowered out, glaring at him. He felt intimidated, she was scary, he guessed she really could rip him. Touka breathed in and out, "I'm a ghoul, I should be the one who's feeling the most pressure here since—you're a fucking CCG investigator, a first class one who received the what wing award. You could just report me anytime. But why are you looking like you're suffering the most?"

He looked at the other way, "I don't look like that, and you know it." Yeah, she knew, she knew, she just can't control any of her words right now, she was fucking angry. "I—I knew you were a ghoul from the start! And I… am too, and I don't mind, seriously. But, it's just that _I hurt you _and I can continue on doing so." _Please leave for the sake of me _**you have your college entrance exams soon right?**

Haha, he could just laugh. What exam again? Headache, headache. "You're scared of hurting me? What do you think I am? I'm not some female heroine who needs to be saved everytime. I'm not _weak_. Want to test it out? And I don't even fucking know you, is it wrong, to know more?" he was seriously trying to test her patience…! Why can't he just understand, that she wants to help, she wasn't going to bring him in danger, but he—how dare he pick that damn gourmet instead?

"Look, I don't want to fight." Haise buried his head to his palm, it was becoming harder to explain this to her. "Kirishima-san—_Touka_. I'm not the person you expected to be—hell, I don't even know _myself_, what I am, or who I am." And there's a monster inside of me, please don't get near me, I'm begging you. I'm leaving, and that's just my final favor to ask of you. "I don't have any recollections of my past! Satisfied? I'm just a half man, I'm not complete—"

He tried, he really tried making a new individual but really, he failed miserably. He wants to make himself as a cheerful, gentle and loyal person—not a monster, but he just knew, he's not the man he expected to be. He wants to know his past even though it will hurt him. He's happy with his new life but he's not, he wants to know but he doesn't. W-what was the right one? What? What? **Look at me 'llknow**,_I don't want to._

They were right and he knew it for sure now, no matter how many times Akira said that it was alright, he could surpass them and make them tremble, regret how they made fun of him but—they were completely right.

"There's a monster inside of me, and I'm trying my best to stay as Sasaki Haise, not him, not someone who I don't know at all." He was a ghoul who can't even control his abilities, a SS rated ghoul that was better to be eradicated. He could hurt anybody—he could eat them and feel no remorse after that, just to satisfy his hunger. "So while I'm at my own consciousness, go. I can't guarantee your safety; I _love _you, Touka, and I want you to be safe." He chomped her shoulder, he ate her. **Itwasstrangelydelicious.**

**When I woke up, I taste blood. A-and AND He-h-he was GONE**

He always said that the white haired man inside his dreams was a monster, but in truth, he, Sasaki Haise was the monster itself.

Touka landed a punch to his face, as he looked at her with wide-eyes. "Who're you to say that? You don't have any right to say that, after saying all those things. There's no monster, imagine that it's not a monster you shit." She shouted, throwing punches to him as he avoided some—**touka-chan it's better if you stop- **but in the end, she kicked him off-guard and pinned him. "If you're scared of that monster inside of you, then just be stronger to overcome him. You're just scared; you're just a coward who won't do anything. You're saying that you want to protect other people but you can't even do the same to yourself. You and your martyr complex, he and his martyr complex are frustrating."

He bit his lips, "I'm okay with that, as long as—"

"Do you have a habit to touch your chin when you're lying?" she spoke rather harshly.

"You're just exactly like him, constantly saying bullshit, and just leave like that. No, I don't want to repeat another mistake; I am begging you, stay." Her sorrowful, bitter smile, and tears were beautiful, was what Haise oddly thought when drops of water landed to his cheeks. Her punches didn't feel like it hurt anymore, "Don't do this for self-satisfaction again…" again? He wondered, but his hands moved before he could think of anything proper to do.

Haise wiped her tears, "…To think, that you out of all people would cry…" he chuckled a bit. "It's shocking," he apologized immediately when he felt her intent to punch him again. "You are right, I don't want to be alone and I'm just a coward… I-I'm a fool, yeah."

She scoffed, a smile forming. "Idiot, you just realized that?"

"You know, I'm a bit slow when it comes to things like that." He laughed. "Can you let me stand up…?" She stood up, brushing the dirt from her clothes, as he did the same. She fixed her hair, when her hand was gripped tightly by him. _I missed this_, was what they both thought. "You're also afraid of being alone, right? Wait no it's not finished yet so don't punch me." He sweatdropped, "How about this; we're both afraid… so we won't leave each other?"

**I won't leave you.**

"Promises never end well." Touka said, "It's not a promise, then." He said jokingly, burying his face to her head, snuggling into it. "mm, your hair is so soft—and fluffy. Don't take this the wrong way, though." He could tell she rolled her eyes that time. She complained how it tickles but he shrugged it off and held her more tightly. "Will you really accept this half man?"

"Do I need to repeat all of that again?" she groaned in frustration. "And you're… Sasaki Haise, not some half-man or something." _He is Sasaki Haise, not Kaneki Ken._

* * *

><p>The moment he broke down, she calculated his words for a while; it's him. Was what she thought while hearing him.<p>

Haise would sometimes converse when he say the man in his dreams and try to talk to him in a more clearer way, since there were times when he completely broke down and when he didn't—rather, just sitting on the chair, muttering incoherent words.

They were supposed to share a kiss but decided it wasn't the right time to do it.

**Listen to What's Left Of Me by Nick Lachey please it fits I swear**

* * *

><p>AN: Second and last part of "Haunting." **I think this is the cheesiest chapter I have written in my entire life I'm not sorry. **I think I just made Touka a cheesy girl in love Ijustcan't I'm sorry. And I realized I can't write romance oh dear—hate the ending of this shot, it felt so cheesy and weird and faaaar from what I imagined.

TOUKA IS SO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL I CAN'T. and chapter .me. only spoilers but. But. PLEASE HELP I CAN'T. AND I MISSED HIDEKANE WEEK I'M CRYINGG;; fuck u exams

Speaking of which, I'm really glad that you loved the last chapter! I didn't expect that many of responses after I wrote it—I cried happy tears, seriously. Your reviews are awesome—you are awesome. I tried really hard writing it, writing an insane Haise is hard I spent a lot of time thinking how can I portray it but—I'm really really happy you said it was good. And you even said my writing is cool HOW CAN YOU I'm not worthy I'll PM u guys soon!

Hope you liked this, ideas for new oneshot are welcomed:)

.


	5. Chapter 5

**Poor Attempts**

Their (poor and dork-ish) attempts to get close to each other.

* * *

><p>Struggle<p>

.

.

**I**

As usual, the atmosphere in the café was calm and soothing. Touka liked that, it gave her time to calm herself down and enjoy the silence while sometimes reading some books. Although she didn't really like reading, some caught her interest and she can't tear her eyes from the page.

A sudden cling surprised her as she put the book on its place, then by habit, she greeted; "Welcome." With a slight stutter, and was replied by, "Hello." by… what was that guy's name again? Sasaki, oh yeah, Sasaki Haise. She bowed her head mumbling an apologize since she stuttered while he shrugged it with a smile.

She watched from afar as he settled down to his usual seat and took a book for him to read. If her eyesight was still fine, he was reading a book by Kafka… maybe. She watched every of his movements; the shrugs, the sighs, the slight smile of him that appeared once in a time, the slightly dropping eyes and how he fixed his round glasses three times in five minutes.

**.**

**II**

"Black?" she asked, already preparing the coffee with a slight smirk on her face. Well, he had visited the café many times, and his orders were always the same. She guessed a little teasing would do fine. Touka kind of liked how he roll his eyes and chuckle after all.

As expected, he did what she expected. "You're already making one, I don't have any other choices, do I?" he joked a bit, leaning to the chair.

Touka glanced at his palm, "Your hand, it's already alright?"

Sasaki moved his left hand, up, down, left, right over and over again—making gestures that it moves just fine. "Well he didn't punch _that _hard, just three days and the pain was all gone." Liar. It healed less than a day. Well, he _does _have some great regenerative abilities. But of course he couldn't tell the waitress—he corrected, Kirishima-san that.

"That's good."

Then the conversation ended just like that; none of them dared to continue.

**.**

**III **

He was determined to ask her more questions today, and talk to her more—rather than just a simple hello, thank you, or anything that was work-related or coffee. Especially coffee. Urgh, he can't let the conversation die again. He wanted to know her more except for her name and how she was a waitress at a café.

Oh, here she comes. He coughed up, "Here's your coffee." She served it and was about to go, when he cut her off. "Um, so Kirishima-san…" he stopped, waiting for her to turn her gaze to him again—and oh how he wanted for her to look at him, only him. Holy CCG, it sounds so selfish.

She tilted her head, wondering when he would continue his word. He stuttered, "Do you like books?" he added again while awkwardly pointing at the books inside the shelves, because, wow – there were so many that he could basically call the place 'paradise' – he liked books after all. That was one of the reasons he liked the place and frequently visited it.

"Sometimes I read them in my spare time," she answered giving him a hope for continuing the conversation. "Some of them piqued my interest…"

Good. He could continue this conversation…!

"Oh, pardon me, Sasaki-san." A new customer came and she went to serve the group of girls. He looked at them until they reached their table while being accompanied by her.

Grrr.

**.**

**IV**

Before she knew it, it became a routine that he came by to the café. She started to get used to it, to the point where she could complain how suck-ish his jokes were and reveal her true…self, not her 'waitress' self. Where did it begin? When he started his poor attempts of… 'flirting' was what Yoriko claimed it to be.

And he even asked for her number… can't believe she gave it to him right away. What was wrong with her? Touka wondered if she needs to consult someone about it. She knew it was wrong to continue being with him, when she constantly get reminded of Kaneki.

Hss.

She stared at his contact number as it read _Haise Sasaki._

Touka clicked the save button.

_Puddinghead. _While staring down at the text she had just gotten—what are you doing? Touka find herself replying, nothing – how about you?

The reply was quicker than she expected – wow, he types fast. '*gasp* so you're not breathing? In my case, I'm breathing, sitting, thinking, typing ;)' Man was he a jerk— 'of course I'm breathing, you dimwit.'

Their texts lasted until midnight before they decided to sleep.

**.**

**V**

He could do this.

He's positive now; he would not back down now…! Okay. This was it, it's only a simple question – or statement, and well, he's more than 20 years old now! What kind of an _adult _he is, if he can't bring up the courage to ask her out? Um, _noooo_, he's not nervous. Totally not. Positive.

"Kirishima-san," he called out before she went to take the other customer's orders. The girl raised her eyebrow, tilting her head, a frown on her face – that was still cute. "Um, so…" Come on, Sasaki Haise! You could do this. Just give her the ticket, give her give her give her nowwww…

Sadly, his inner struggle was interrupted by her sigh as an order came out. "Sasaki-san, enjoy your coffee." Oh no nonononono don't leave yet-!

Alas, he was given a gift; the same sight where she left and served another order.

Grr.

_When he paid the bill, he inserted a ticket under the money and a note; tomorrow at 12 pm, okay? No running away…! There's bunnies so you'll love it -_

* * *

><p>Hair<p>

.

.

She wondered if those roots were real, or it was dyed. Well, she had a theory that it was real- if it was, it fits the puzzle in her head perfectly. But if it was dyed, there was still that answer- "because it looks cool, doesn't it?"

Somehow, the latter seemed to be the most possible answer due to his personality… although, Touka doubted that. By the time they met each other in the café (again, he came. How much money does he have, anyway?)

So she asked, "Oh? It's real, you know."

His gaze seemed to be lost in thought before he snapped out of it, "Oh sorry, just remembered some…unwanted memories." _No I'm sure it's not, _he scratched the back of his head out of awkward-ness. "Akira-san said that my hair was completely white back then but… somehow, these black roots showed up."

_Maybe it's because you had black hair. _She hummed, nodding in response. "Well, I guess it's unique."

"Well, this hair was the cause of the nickname you seem to _love _so much," He said sarcastically earning a slight laugh from her. "But it's cool, right? It's like the hair of an anime protagonist! I deem so myself."

And then he asked about her hair, while reaching for it slowly. She waited. "My hair was longer, and less wavy. Other than that, it's the same." He rubbed innocently at it, smiling.

"Grow it," He suggested. "I would like to braid it someday. Your hair, I mean."

She bit her lips,

_What was the reason she kept her hair long?_

_Ah. Yes, it was because of him. Because he unconsciously patted her in the head that time—almost earning a whack before he commented how soft her hair was and how she took good care of it. "My father used to tell me to take care of it… because it was one of my 'unique' traits he said." She scoffed._

"_But I agree with your father though, and you really did take good care of it, Touka-chan." Kaneki smiled sheepishly. "Cutting it would be a waste, although short hair would suit you too… But I would like to braid it someday."_

"_You have a braid kink or something?"_

"_W-whaa-? Touka-chan!" He flushed and continued to deny it as she inwardly laughed._

..

"….Do you have some sort of a braid kink?"

He was left dumbfounded. "Um, wait, _what_?" his expression turned serious, in a comical way. "How did you know," he joked in which both of them laughed. "But seriously I don't have one so please rest assured—"

Touka scoffed, yet smiled anyway. "I'm starting to miss my long hair, so why not?"

* * *

><p>Cold<p>

.

.

It was nearing winter and Touka never saw her boyfriend (ah she finally used that term, at last) wearing at least something warm except his CCG uniform—and she doubt it was enough for him to warm up. She frowned while realizing that, fixing her scarf.

The last time he went to the café, he noticed that his ears were a bit red from coldness.

Maybe a little gift won't hurt… well, Yoriko practically begged her to go out and buy something for him – she had that thought! She wanted to buy something but what if he does have one and it's left unneeded, urgh. But her friend practically begged, so she guessed it won't hurt.

Well, she'll buy something for Yoriko as well. A pair of gloves and cookies, yep, she would like it. She had her eyes on the gloves for a while.

"The grey one looks warm." She commented, and grabbed it, taking the beanie to the counter.

Pfft, she knew this would happen. For Gods sake, she can't wrap a present. Urgh, what now? She frowned at how clumsy and unorganized it looks before wrapping it again in another newspaper till she finally deemed it was a bit… good. She wondered how many newspapers she used.

She wrapped it in a banana gift wrap, because she knew that man loves banana.

Can't say that she wasn't pleased by his reaction. He practically jumped, saying that it was rare for her to show concern for him especially giving him a gift. She punched him slightly on the shoulder because of the insult.

He shrugged it off and wore it, covering his ears. He wrapped her body with his arms and nuzzled to her shoulder. "Thank you, I'll cherish this."

"It's just a damn hat…"

"But it's warm! And I like the color anyway; it already looks warm by seeing it." Haise smiled and sighed in bliss, then put his arms to her shoulders and pulling her close to him.

"W-what are you doing?" Touka protested, trying to get rid of the arm. "Urgh, why?"

"Because you look cold."

_When he got home, he looked at the beanie while smiling, his eyebrows narrowing. He thought how she spend her time and money buying this for __**him**__ and he truly felt that she really, really likes him the way he was. __**Maybe that gift was for me—don't get your hopes up, H-A-I-S-E~ **_

'shut up' _and he continued ignoring the voices inside._

* * *

><p>Sick<p>

.

.

She was in front of his apartment, bringing her knuckles to knock but somehow, can't bring the courage to do it. Haise already said that it's alright to come by anytime, and judging by the poor condition the dove is in, Touka was determined to at least keep him company. Just for a while.

But how stupid of her to forget, that he was a _dove_. An enemy to her species (well Haise was an exception, right?) and the one who destroyed her world, the one who took him away from her. And certainly, his apartment would have some doves there-checking his condition or anything

_It's now or never_, Touka kept that in mind. _I've dealt with some doves without violence_, because now, she thinks that 'maybe' we can learn to co-exist with each other—well, some of us. At least she _tried_, she and Yomo tried to bring 'Anteiku' back- their sanctuary.

"Good morning," she greeted first when the door opened to reveal a woman with her hair braided and the first thing that caught Touka's interest upon seeing her was how her eyes gleamed with a familiar gleam… she was sure, she'd seen her. She wasn't a stranger.

"Good morning," she replied without any hint of recognition, so it was just her imagination? "What can I do to help you?" Touka assumed she was also a dove, maybe Haise's superior or something.

Touka looked side-ways, "Is Sasaki Haise here? I would like to visit him. He said he was sick,"

"Ah, so you're that Kirishima-san." A smile came upon her face with a hint of mischief. What does that mean? Did Haise really talk about her behind her back _that _much? That bast—"He talked about you a lot, actually. Almost everyday." As if reading her mind, Haise's superior continued.

A slight tinge of pink appeared to her cheeks, and Touka bit her lips to refrain herself from smiling in glee. It amused her how obsessed he was to her (she won't say that she, herself is almost the same) when at the past… she was the one who kept chasing the male-desperate for him to turn back and hold her (finally she had the dream come true, although he had changed. Nevertheless, she liked him the way he is) tightly not ever letting her go again.

Urgh delusions, delusions.

Realizing her lack of reply, she immediately nodded and smiled her 'customer service' smile. "Um, yes. I'm Kirishima Touka, his… girlfriend." Apparently the last sentence had come with a question mark which made the older woman to raise her eyebrow. "I'm guessing you're his superior… thank you for always taking care of him." She bowed gratefully.

Akira shook her hand while allowing her to come in, "Yes. I'm Akira Mado, a first-class investigator. I'm Haise's mentor and partner. It's nice to finally meet you, Kirishima."

"Who's out there, mo—Akira-san?" a slurred out voice came from the other side of the room, as the door connecting the two rooms opened revealing Haise with his hair sticking out, and wearing a t-shirt and a boxer. His eyes blinked as he had eye-contact with his girlfriend, "K-Kirishima-san? Why are you—I thought I said that—"

He stopped when Akira flicked his forehead, "Who are you calling mom? And why are you _that _surprised seeing your girlfriend visiting you?" She tried to hold down a chuckle, "It's a normal thing to do when you're going out." She stated, putting her hands to her hips while looking at the both of them. "Well, considering that she's here, I can actually leave for work with ease."

Putting that by that, Touka sat down beside Haise's bed, giving him some water when he coughed (and it was a violent one at that, she had to pat his back after that) "I thought idiots couldn't get sick," she commented, earning a slight sluggish smile from the male. While he drank the water, she took the time to observe his room—it was simple, just a small bed, a set of table and chair, bookshelves—of course. Most of his clothes were folded and hang beside the shelves.

Wow. Almost all of them are his CCG uniform.

Pfft. "You don't have that many clothes, do you?"

When he didn't reply, she found herself panicking. Did he pass out? _Oh frick he better not—_as she turned around hastly, finding herself looking at his sunken face, walking with a limp to her. She took a hold of him, making sure he won't fall or anything. "What's the matter? You need something?"

Her name being whispered was the only thing she could muster from his hoarse voice; she frowned by that, feeling his body temperature gradually getting higher. "Should you take another medicine? Gods—I'm not good at this stuffs," but in the end, she managed to put him into bed.

Till his arm took hold of her waist, and pulling her to his chest. Her eyes widened by the sudden move, "_Kirishima-san_." He said her name to her ear—sending shudders to her spine, oh man, that was not supposed to happen, thought Touka. _He's sick, it shouldn't sound _that _sexy. What. _His other arm find his way to her cheek, holding it firmly, and her eyes look at his.

If this was a movie, then this would be them having… '_a moment'_.

Haise leaned in. Closing the distance between them, as his lips met with her palm. She didn't expect this, obviously, and she wasn't ready—welp, yes, they've been dating for a few months yet haven't had their first kiss yet. "Sasaki," she murmured between her fingers.

Though she still covered it, he still leaned in again. And Touka… _hrrh_, that buzzing sensation passed her by the moment his lips touched her skin again. Her hand moved to tangle itself to his fluffy hair.

And he leaned in again.

Akira congratulated Haise from stepping up to the next step, first kiss. And the following day, Haise visited Touka who was a bit sick.

_From Kirishima-san: I hate you. _

_Text sent; I love you too!_

* * *

><p>Special<p>

.

.

"_Hold it up, nope, no more. You're sick." Touka quickly told him after they separated their lips from each other—and when Haise was about to lick her bottom lip, holding a finger to his mouth. "Just rest, alright?" she smiled, feeling a tad bit happy as well that at least they progressed a bit—just a bit._

_Haise felt pleased by it and feel into slumber with a smile as she kissed him on his forehead. "Get well soon," and the warmness of her touch was replaced by the wet towel._

Touka was so embarrassed when he had seen her old Japanese exams, thus resulting him planning to teach her a bit about it in the library—well, maybe with other intentions such as reading books or just wanting to spend some time with her. She guessed it was the both of them, since she really want him to think that way.

"Did you wait long?" he was wearing an indigo colored sweater with white shirt underneath it, and black pants with a simple converse. In addition to his face, he wore his reading glasses. _He looks good in any kind of clothing_, she concluded. _Or maybe it's just me_.

While in the other hand, she had worn the same sweater as him, and shirt but she wore a black skirt and knee-high length socks with her flats. She wouldn't have worn this attire if it wasn't for him using his… 'puppy dog eyes' (he really looked like a lost little puppy, mind you) to persuade her to use matching clothes considering they're a couple and…

It's Valentine 's Day.

Of course, his simple yet sweet reasons wooed her off afterwards. "No, I just got here," she assured him. He took a silent breath of relief and grinned, holding out his hand for her. "May I?" Touka clasped her hand together with his. "Lead the way, Your Majesty."

The streets were crowded with couples looking at the stores, staring in awe at the chocolates, flowers, and anything related to romance. Some of them were holding hands, hugging, but some of them were being awkward at each other—man does that remind you of a couple (looks at the ghoul-couple)—the cute thing was most of the boys who are seen alone was contemplating in entering the store or not—maybe for his pride or anything.

She guessed most normal couples would spend their day like that, eating together in a café after the date. Well, that's for normal couple of course… They weren't completely a normal one.

But she liked the atmosphere of this date, she liked the bookstore more and gradually became used to Haise's continuous rambling about his favorite book and author. In fact, she tried it herself to read it. "Would you please, shut up." She huffed, stopping her writing.

"Oh, but, come on. Can't we have another moment?" He pleaded. "I'm sure you enjoyed how close I was to you when I'm behind you like this," he took her pen and hand, "and correct your mistakes while I'm at it!" He chuckled.

"You're already doing that and it's not helping!" she protested. "I thought you were going to actually help me, urgh."

He raised an eyebrow, "Am I'm not?"

Touka bit her lips, _yes, you're disturbing me with your close proximity how can't you not understand-!_She was 20 years old—or more now, surely she's got her feminine hormones working pretty well when a girl is getting closer and closer to a guy— "J-just go read a book or anything," he, surprisingly obliged to it calmly.

While he was gone, Touka slammed her head to the table, groaning and saying sorry when she realized she disturbed the silence to the people. She sighed and pushed her bangs, was Valentine's Day any different from any day? She remembered Haise planning it to be different than the usual days but…. How is it different?

Personally, she thinks it's all the same but unfortunately her boyfriend kept saying that it will be different yesterday. Because of that, she kinda hoped for something-the last time he'd been open to say what he wants was when she was at his apartment, when he was sick.

After Haise pulled back, his hand roamed to her thighs, shocking her while his tongue asked for entrance. Touka immediately pulled back that time, definitely not expecting that. And then hurriedly saying that he's sick, they shouldn't do anything like that—especially when they just kissed, for the first time.

Haise just chuckled and collapsed because of his high fever afterwards.

And to think _now_, Touka wants to _have _him. Completely without any distractions, wanting to trace every part of his body with her, trailing kisses- Urgh, she's being greedy now. And dirty. She hates herself. Sighing again, she bit her lips.

"_Can't we have another moment?"_

She buried her face to the book. _I'm helpless_. _And stupid_

Haise found himself humming to the song that came in mind to him, while searching for any books he hadn't read. It was quite a shame, really, that his girlfriend hushed him out because of his continuous teasings, when he gave her hints.

_Well, it can't be helped._ He thought while reading another summary of a book, putting it back to the shelf—feeling like he'd read it before. _She's a bit dense_.

"Weird, I've read this all." Again, he wondered about the same thing over and over again for the past few years. He glanced sideways and shrugged, taking the book after all, _nah I'll read it again_. He decided, pushing another book, making a space between the shelf and the books. He blinked when the eyes from the other side looked familiar, "Kirishima-san!" he chirped.

The called girl raised her head and laughed how he was there.

"What a peculiar way, I guess this is another moment?" he grinned, bending down so that he could see her expression more. She wasn't mad or anything, instead she said, "I guess it is." His smile dropped, and he disappeared from her field of vision from the space the books made.

He appeared again, and this time, fully without any wooden shelves to separate them. He took a hold of her hand and looked disbelievingly at her. Sending the message, _Are you sure? _By the nod she gave, he guessed she understood.

He kissed her suddenly, without waiting for her permission. His right hand hold her head, tilting it so he could kiss her deeper. And she obliged to it, her hands cupping his cheeks. His left hand holding a book and hiding their face with it. He tilted his head, making the kiss deeper as a silent moan escaped from her.

Pulling out a bit, he again, gave the look. "It's Valentine's Day. It should be special, shouldn't it?" she countered, smiling and before pulling her back into another kiss, he flicked her forehead lightly.

She took the book from his left hand and changed positions with him, making both of his hands available as the right cupped her cheek while the other held her waist. Haise licked her bottom lip, asking for permission and she gladly gave him that; letting his tongue play with hers, tangling it with hers and letting it roaming, exploring her. He gave out a muffled moan, as well as she. They pulled out, a string of saliva connecting them.

Slightly out of breath, Touka breathed out. "Can't we go now?"

"Of course," he laughed, "I can't stand getting kicked out from this library, it's my most favorite one."

She looked at the other way, a slight tinge of pink colored her cheeks. "Want to go to my house? Nii-san is out," _Come on, _her eyes held that meaning.

Haise relaxed, his forehead resting to hers. "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I have sinned, I know. I heard it was Valentine's and wow, there's actually touken smut week (i have sinned too much GOD FORGIVE ME) so the idea of this idea was BAM! then i write. like they gonna do the do /hides away/

A bit early for Valentine's but I hope you enjoy these dorks trying to get close... well they did in the end, a bit too close though. i'msosorry if you didn't like it then just ignore it lmao but if you do then um.

Happy Valentine's Day! Don't forget to leave a feedback :) /cowers in the corner/ -ps guys like i have a debate on sunday plz wml i rlly wanna win /cries/-


	6. Chapter 6

**Orange**

**.**

_She brought sunflowers again the next day._

* * *

><p>He saw another orange headphone in his dream.<p>

He clenched his chest, suddenly feeling something precious had been snatched away with force. Cursing under his breath, he breathed and breathed after finding there was barely any oxygen available for him to breathe. He felt numb, and then his ears caught the sounds of someone crying.

Looking back, the 'haunting' man he remembered was sitting on his usual spot, with chains binding his ankles and wrists. It was rare for him to cry, when Haise was about to reach the man, the image changed into a woman constantly saying… "Choosing both, losing both." – "And he's going to disappear too, like all of your friends did."

Then, blood stained the flowers (where did that came from?) beneath him and he saw, everything going black. Just before that, the headphone was crimson blood no longer orange.

Another came, he was at the church this time. The soft sounds from the piano calmed his heart, who was playing? It was a man, with an odd fashion. Wrinkling his nose, the sounds suddenly became louder and harsher—was the man furious? "Do you now know how I would live without you?" through the sobs, he could hear it. "please, I'm not seeing you as an object for me to eat so I beg of you—"

There was someone behind him—no, five. "It's not your fault," a sturdy man put his hand on his shoulder. "Onii-chan." Feeling a slight tug to his sleeves, he looked down. "Come on, teach me some more kanjis."

A café came into mind. "Welcome to An—"

Once again, all of them disappeared. And all he could do was to scream.

Haise fluttered his eyes open, his hand stopping the clock from ringing any further. Groggily, he sat up to his bed. _Weird dream, _he patted his pillow and realized there were tear stains on it—giving the reason why his eyes felt so puffy.

* * *

><p>"Hey," She tugged his hand with hers too, pinky finger with pinky finger. Her eyes searched for him, "are you okay?"<p>

He smiled and nodded, using his other hand to go to his chin. "So, you like sunflowers?" he asked to her, noticing a small bouquet filled with the said flower. It felt awfully familiar to him, though he can't understand why.

She pursed her lips together and shrugged her shoulders, "It's for my friend." She explained, "…I wasn't that familiar with him, but he was a good friend to my friend. I just thought, sunflowers fitted him because someone always said he's his sunshine or something," she laughed although he knew it didn't reach her eyes.

Haise continued to talk, "Where is he?" **you already know the answer to that, don't you? **He regretted the fact that he asked that.

"I don't know."

He felt the sudden urge to cry as the image of an orange headphone came into mind again.

* * *

><p>Touka knew she shouldn't have said that kind of thing to him. But her body reacted otherwise, and she hated herself for it. What's worse was she thought it was a good thing to say that to him. She put the sunflowers to a small bottle of water in her house while he sat there on the kitchen, oddly silent.<p>

She had this routine ever since she knew Nagachika-san is reported MIA, thinking that this is the most she could do, doing this every week—hoping he would come back and be by Kaneki's side. The idiot was everything to him, she didn't mind, she actually supported them. It was like Yoriko _is_ to Touka. He also told her stories about him during the time Kaneki was gone, off doing his 'heroic' deeds.

She regretted how she never repaid his favor back until he was missing.

Touka made coffee afterwards, finishing it with a latte art. She put it in front of her boyfriend, smiling. "Drink it, it'll make you better."

He blinked then leaned in to her, kissing her forehead. "Thanks. I'm sorry."

He tried the coffee, it was really bitter.

* * *

><p><em>You're just scared; you're just a coward who won't do anything. <em>Haise hid his face with his hands, "Sorry, I really am a coward…" he laughed bitterly, before slapping his cheeks red, looking at the sky above him.

"Sensei?" someone's presence shocked him, as he blinked while regaining his composure. "Oh, Mucchan." He realized smiling at his subordinates, realizing it wasn't only Mutsuki; Saiko and Shirazu were there too. Maybe Urie was off by his own again, that brat.

Mutsuki looked at the other way and joined Haise, sitting beside him as the others followed. "Is something bothering you?" he asked carefully, afraid if he was going to hit a nerve.

**Mother mother—**

"Maman, have you found Papa?" Saiko asked rather bluntly, shocking them all as Shirazu scolded her. 'What are you saying, Saiko?!' The only girl of the group pouted, searching for reasons. "Maman's face looks like the faces when the protagonist is debating on should s/he should confess or not."

Shirazu groaned, "It's only in a game…!"

"Nope, I saw that in the TV."

Haise laughed seeing the two bicker as Mutsuki tries to calm them down, he scratched the back of his head, feeling embarrassed. "What Saiko-chan is saying isn't that wrong either," he confessed. "but it's more like… I'm slowly remembering."

"The visions I saw, the dreams I kept having, slowly every one of them—I can remember it." He sighed, clenching his fist. "Since I know I wasn't _Sasaki Haise_ back then, I'm a bit afraid, maybe."

They were silent, looking at each other's eyes and then at the trembling body of their mentor.

He felt arms wrapping him into a tight hug, knowing fully it's Saiko before looking at her. "Maman will still be _maman._" She said simply. "The maman who always cooks us food, teaches us, giving us foods, games, dramas, animes—"

Shirazu rolled his eyes, "Is food and games are the only thing in your mind? Damned otaku." He looked over to his mentor and grinned, "Sassan, if that's the only thing you're worrying about, then its okay. It's not like we'll leave or anything once you're not you."

_…__You guys can say that because you don't remember that time, _he bit his lips, thinking bitterly. **Yes, once they know they will leave, and you'll be alone, Haise—just like us. **He wondered, who were 'us'? As long as he remembered, he never saw 'them' he only saw a 'he'.

"Sensei," Mutsuki started. "Please have more faith in yourself, and to us."

"Sassan! The sky is orange, look." Shirazu pointed out suddenly, eyes gleaming with excitement. "The city actually looks its orange."

"…It's beautiful."

_Orange is bitter, yet it could be sweet at times, mostly bitter._

_I will always think of you, even when darkness comes_, Haise thought about it for a while before sighing and patted the dust over his shoulders, "Alright, we should have a feast tonight. Saiko-chan, since we're out of meat, do you want to come?"

The said half-ghoul nodded her head with excitement, already drooling with the thought of meat. "Shirazu and Mucchan, do you want to come too?"

They shrugged, "We'll pass."

Haise smiled, it really reached his eyes this time. "Let's go then, Saiko-chan."

* * *

><p>This time it was a different scene.<p>

Rather than a blood filled field of flowers, it was filled with colors, every flower different each squares. And the sky was bright orange, a nice melody playing, and the resonance up to his ears. Something was odd; he never had this kind of dream before. Usually it was gentle before then it would get rougher, brutal but… this was different, there was no signs of changing into something like that.

He liked this.

He sincerely hoped it would last like this forever, but it didn't. "Haise…" the voice called again, right before him. He braced himself for another scream coming from the 'creature' but it didn't; instead, it wrapped himself to Haise.

Haise was flabbergasted. This never happened before, he looked behind, and it… was a child? Two of them, one had black hair and one had white. He suddenly felt an ache coming, looking at the two of them. And he cried with the two of them, together, wrapped in each other's embrace.

"…We're sorry," they said in unison. "It's our entire fault you became like this."

"No… what are you saying?" Haise found himself replying to them, wiping the tears. "You two are me; if it's your fault then it's mine too. It's no one's fault. You two…created me, from nothing into this."

_Live, live without hurting others. It's better to be hurt, rather to be the one who hurts other._

Haise looked down to them as they nodded. Then they looked behind, in which there was a silhouette of someone, wearing an orange headphone. The orange sky fitted the way he wore his headphones and hair.

His breath hitched as he walked closer, putting his hand on his shoulder, assuring him with a nod as his grin blinded Haise.

_Yes, let's go home together, 'kay?_

Suddenly the three of them gave him a black box,

They walked together, side by side, not knowing where it might lead them.

**I might disappear sooner or later**

**Even so I…**

**Want to give her something.**

* * *

><p>Touka was called to the bridge after her shift ended. After changing to her usual clothes, she hurried off, after texting the half-ghoul that she's on her way. Weird, was what she thought, why would Haise call her to a place like that, and a time like this? It almost gave her a weird throbbing feeling.<p>

After she arrived, she found Haise already waving his hand to her, smiling brightly. She let out a silent laugh, catching up to him. "Shithead, what's the matter, again?"

"Nothing, well, it's not nothing—"

She rolled her eyes, "Get on it."

Haise shrugged his shoulders, "Well then," He pointed to the river beneath them. "want to take a dip?"

* * *

><p>"I'm still wearing my clothes."<p>

"Hmm…"

"I didn't bring any changes let alone a towel."

"Hmmm…"

"For God's sake, Haise! I'm going to kill you for this!"

"Now now, Touka-chan. I'm also wearing my clothes, you know? Here, I'm also at the same side as you." He sneaked up behind her, arms to her waist, hugging her tightly. Touka tch-ed, before jabbing him on his stomach making an oof sound. "Ouch-that hurts, Touka-chan!"

She huffed, fixing her wet locks. "Consider that as a payback for throwing me to the river. What if I can't swim? What if I drown? As long as I remember, in biology, drowning is—"

_Splash._

"Then I'll be your knight in shining armor," He grinned childishly; and it soothed her, how he could smile like that, how he kept scrunching his nose, how he gave her puns after that, almost like he didn't have any worries at all. He looked like a child.

She always dreamt of him, both sides of him being this happy, not being a hero in a tragedy story. And this almost looked like that. "Oh shush, I never knew a knight in shining armor is this lame."

_Splash, _"Okay not that's rude. And _it's on_, Touka-chan." Another splash.

* * *

><p>After their childish engagement of 'splash war' as Haise would call it, they dried up their selves with the towel Haise brought for the two of them as she scolded him to never do something like this again. But he merely ignored it and continued bobbing his head to remove the water from his hair. "Here, let me." He offered when she dried off her hair.<p>

She sighed in bliss when he gave her massage as well to her scalp. "Rather than a knight, you would fit more to be a healer in games." She stated, thanking him for it then helped him dry off his hair in exchange.

"Really? I rarely play any games, Saiko-chan's the one who usually plays it." He closed his eyes, enjoying how her hands raked his hair smoothly. "You should come over to play with her, someday."

"Yeah, someday."

Silence followed. Only the birds were making sounds, as well as the activities the city did. "Hey," he called her. "Let's say, hypothetically… if I were to change, or not be Sasaki Haise, would you still…?"

Touka groaned, "I thought I said this before." She changed her position, facing him right in the face, putting their foreheads together. "No matter what, you're still you. Even if you were to be changed or anything," _or revert back to him_—"It doesn't make any difference. I love you and that's all that matters." She kissed the tip of his nose, smiling.

Haise laughed,

And then silence greeted them again.

They liked this kind of silence.

Slowly, they entangled their hands together while watching the sunset.

**_I—we might disappear soon._**

**_But still, a slight happiness… isn't bad, right?_**

Another 'hey'

She glanced to him.

His eyes searched for hers

**_We want to give her happiness_**

His grip tightened around her

**_We also want to be happy as well, for once_**

His lips opened, to say the three words he was itching to say

"Let's get married."

* * *

><p>notes; let's get married bruh, once the words came out from a manga I was reading this idea came out. This kind of fitted though, since I wanted this to end sooner or later anyway bruh. i'msorry. and when will i update regularly too i'm such a lame excuse of an author<p>

the ending to tga already wrecked me then kimi uso appeared. and that is why i put hide there because i can't help it. maybe this will end in about two chapters? idk. thanks for all your reviews last time! as usual, ask me if you have anything in mind then I'll try to put it in here. I love you guys, bye! (ps; thanks for your wishes i won the contest)


End file.
